There was a humorous article in the Deseret News about what Mitt’s “Mormon Question” response would be like. I thought only a few comments were funny, including:
Why is this press conference starting 10 minutes late?
It was scheduled to start at 9 a.m. MST — Mormon Standard Time. MST is about 10 minutes later than the rest of the world. Most BYU football fans, for instance, have never heard "The Star Spangled Banner."
Can you discuss the widespread rumor that Mormon men are subjected to horrible violence and unspeakable ugliness regularly in the Mormon culture?
I'm not here to talk about church ball. Not in front of the women anyway. Next question.
Do Mormons still drive wagons on the roads?
Please, that's the Amish gig! We do like vans and Suburbans, though — aka the Mormon Cadillac.
As a long shot, how do you ever expect to move to the White House?
The Elders Quorum.
Following after these comments, I thought to add my own Q&A all in good fun:
Why do you make such unfunny jokes about Polygamy?
My wife asked me that the other night. My response was that the best way to bring up a serious topic is with humor, but I am no comedian. She then told me no kidding.
Some would say if you become President that you would take orders from Salt Lake City. Is that true?
Look, my wife’s cooking is good, but not that good. Besides, we eat out most of the time. As for the real answer to your question, getting a member of the church to do anything is like herding cats. I’m not sure why I would be any different.
Did you avoid the draft by going on a mission?
Luckily I brought some warm clothes because some of the apartments we lived in were real dives. Serving a mission was no picnic. We were Americans . . . in France.
Will you have a lot of Mormons on your staff?
Not as many as JFK, Eisenhower, or Reagan. I served my time as Bishop and Stake President and am ready for a change.
You were an ecclesiastical leader in the Mormon Church. What did you do during that time?
When I wasn’t helping people out, I was taking a nap on the podium. When I was speaking, the congregation was taking a nap.
Why don’t you talk about Mormon theology more?
See my answer to the above question.
How will your Mormonism influence you as President of the United States?
There will be longer meetings. Sunday and Monday will be days off. State funerals will have lots of casserole served. Other than that, business as usual.